Not that price

 It is deeply patriarchal, classist, racist and colonized to think that birthing, primary caregiving maGes who are leaving toxic relationships with men must inherently suffer and live the first part of their newly emancipated single lives in the worst emotional and housing situations.

If you believe that we must live under the most stressful conditions imaginable in order to truly value our freedom...
If you believe that since you had to, everyone else must, too...
You are the reason why so many maGes balk at the thought of leaving.

It's why we hesitate FOR YEARS and think that no one will show up for us in ways that smooth the transition for us and our children.

It's why so many of our mothers, aunts and grandmothers never left at all.

The quiet part is that, no matter how much people trumpet the idea that maGes should always be free to leave dynamics that do not serve us, the society, our circles, our communities and capitalism itself, are all set up to force us to stay with asshole cis men or to step into and through crucibles constructed in fire if we dare to leave.

If you suffered, went without and lived under atrocious conditions when you left with your children...
If you are still living under cruel and demeaning conditions as the price for your freedom...
My deepest condolences and fiercest, most heartfelt rage directed towards any individuals, groups of people or structures that made or continues to make attaining your freedom a misery.

I don't believe that a maGe's pain or anxiety is the price they must pay to leave a toxic relationship or family environment.

I don't agree to that for me or for anyone else.

Please.
Do think long and hard about this.
Search inside of yourself to see if it turns out that you do believe that a primary parenting maGe trying to strike out on their own, with one or more children in tow, has to go through hell to make it to the greener side.

The quiet part is you might actually believe that I should experience horrible deprivation, in the form of an extreme lack of options, opportunities, safety and comfort as the price for my departure.

At least be straight up about that and about the fact that you're not going to try very hard to assist me or share resources in this transition because you believe what I'm going through is only natural, right and as it should be.

My tears and fears are not supposed to be the price I pay for a fresh start.