I want to live...

The quiet part is that as late stage capitalism and austerity tighten their grip, many folks will be possess of the reasoning that none dare utter out loud.

It is that if we are to survive, if human beings are to survive, if the resistance is to survive, any resources we have available to us most be saved and shunted, towards those who are young.

I started writing this post as a fearsome anti-ageist retort to the quiet part.

I wanted to say fuck that idea of only (or mostly) giving the bulk of your mutual aid resources to folks who are younger than me because T.H.T.W.L.A.O.T. (they have their whole lives ahead of them).

But as I typed and reasoned it out, I asked myself: What can I possibly do or say that would challenge that ageist mathematic?

How can I possibly flip that idea on its head?

And why should I have to debate with an entire oppressive system and with anyone who believes that my 56 year old life is worth less than the life of a 26 year old or a teenager, in order to justify my basic human right to thrive and continue?

It's true - I don't have an entire lifespan ahead of me.

I have what remains.
10 years.
20 years.
30/40.
Whatever the number of journeys around the sun they're mine.

Even if I did not teach you and raise your awarenesses...
Even if I was not decolonizing in ways both surprising and strange...
Even if I was not a parent and guide of people I birthed at home...
Even if I was not a maker with wise ways channeled through my fingers, hands and spirit...
Even if I was not in love with the soil, with its organisms, with its nutrients and with its food bearing plants...
Even if I was not brave, wild, defiant and wicked cool...
sigh...
Even if all I did was eat and sleep and shit and piss and limp on a bad ankle and snore and jerk off and laugh like my mind was teetering on the edge and cry as if my heart was so, so broken,
I would still want to survive and thrive.

I'd still be asking for you to help.

I want to live.